Words Will Never Be Enough

Francisco Javier (my 20-year-old son) gave me this as a gift last year before I went through a scheduled surgery. It was a reminder of our unity as a family. This message basically is our family motto, it has carried us through our lives and will continue with them as they form their own families. It is our legacy to them.

Even though they were very young when their dad went through his liver transplant they are very aware and grateful of the anonymous family that gave their dad a second chance.
Tomorrow as his 18th liver transplant anniversary comes around all we can say is thank you and God bless all donors. Those who today can donate and continue to live full and healthy lives and the families of those who no longer are with us.

Words will never be enough to express our gratitude and probably will never have, yet our hearts burst with joy because of all the years we have been able to be happy together.

We have overcome all differences, struggles and remained one. Carlos, myself and our three +1!

Remember

Tonight I shared some time with my in-laws alone, my husband wasn't with me because he caught a bug.  Some people "don't like" their in-laws, but I love mine.  It's not a fake kind of love, but a true and genuine one.  This can sound weird, but their my cousins from my mom's side.  Their not related with each other, but both are related with me through my mom.  My mother in law is my mom's first cousin through my grandmother's side and my father in law is my mom's first cousin through my grandfather's side.  They've always been part of my life from my very beginning.

So you can get the picture here, I married my third cousin (I'm not sure this category really exists)!

My mom and my mother in law were both pregnant at the same time  (my mom with me and my mother in law with my husband obviously).  Probably they would talk every time they met about how their pregnancies were going, I was a second child so my mom was more experienced than she was.  I can hear my mom talking about her pregnancy and what things were best for pregnant women, she's very opinionated!  I can also imagine my mother in law in her quiet demeanor, just listening, not voicing her opinion or thoughts and ultimately doing whatever she thought was best.  My mom always wants to boss her around a bit!

Fast forward, when they finally had their babies (my husband and myself) both paid each other visits to see the babies and welcome them into our family.  Wow!  If they only knew we would end up getting married.  That sure would have scared the crap out of them!

my mom, me and my mother in law- Christmas 2012

 
Even though I love this story, my post isn't about my mom, my mother in law and me. It's only the background of the story I want to share with you.  Basically it's about how love, faith and believing and how they can pull us through almost anything.

My in laws held us strong while we crossed the turbulent waters of illness.  Their love became the bridge that helped us get to the other side together.  They were able to guide us strongly and firmly to where we needed to go.  They financially and emotionally supported us while the storm was hitting us strong.   But beyond anything else, now it's our turn to hold them through out the storm that's hitting them with the forces of Super Storm Sandy. 

Their hurricane force winds are called cancer!

During my visit tonight we remembered.  What did we remember? Things that happened to us while we were waiting for my husband's transplant.  I heard my mother in law tell me about the time when she came over to my house after I called her to pick up some clothes for me after I had been in the hospital with Carlos for a few days.  How she was so upset that she picked a fight with God because she was sick and tired of having to take clean clothes to me in the hospital. Not because she didn't want to help me but because she felt a staggering pain because I had to live through the sorrow of having a very sick husband.  How she fell to her knees and implored God to pass her this suffering.  She asked Him to heal his son and spare her daughter in law of the pain.

We cried as we remembered the anguish of not knowing what was going to happen and then finally we rejoiced as we remembered how God had carried us through out the whole ordeal.

That's when I told my  father in law, "He did it once and He'll do it again, I know you will be fine and our faith will carry us once more through out this. ".

As we talked, cried, hugged and kissed each other we found comfort and solace.  I know something for sure we will be fine and our faith will pull us through once more.  If we feel doubtful (very understandable) the only thing we need to do is remember.

"Siempre llueve sobre lo mojado"

Sometimes my husband likes to say,  “siempre llueve sobre lo mojado.”  Which literally means it always rains over what is  already wet.  This is a way of saying that whatever is bad per se is always bound to turn worse.

When whatever is bad turns to awful, it's more than sure it will get on your nerves like it does on mine!

via morgueFile

We’ve lived through a couple of rain storms and have survived, but sometimes like my husband says you kind of get tired of always running into more trouble.  

One of the storms I just mentioned occurred shortly after coming back from New York (a couple of weeks after moving back into our home) the measles came to give us a visit.  My daughter was in Kinder and my two boys, who were than preschoolers, were at home with me. 

One day she came home from school with a single dot on her forehead, my mom assured me that she thought that Stephy had measles.  You know I had to rely on her expertise because I really didn’t know much about measles (until that moment, I would become an expert fairly soon).

To move fast forward quickly, all my three children got the measles.  One just a couple around their little bodies and others all over the place (Caladryl became a household name in my home!). Nevertheless, it really didn’t worry me because all of us get measles during our childhoods and it was a milestone my own children had to go through.  To my surprise, my mother in law commented "lightly" that my husband had never had measles.   Yikes!  This is when it began raining over the already wet ground.

I wasn't surprised at all when my husband got the measles as well. 

Here we had to deal with a completely different situation. I phoned his doctor right away and he briefed me on the things I needed to be aware of (which I barely remember), and what to do if they happened.  The worst cases scenario was that we would need to request some special medication from The Red Cross (which I’m not sure if it was a medication or some plasma).  Blame my long-term memory loss to menopause!  Don't ask me for details because I'm afraid I can’t give them to you. The thing is that we were in a bad situation that was heading to get much worse in a couple of days. 

So, what did happen after all? 

Well, to our surprise (since all of you know our great record on scoring bad things) nothing happened.  Measles came and went and he survived them.  Our dear Lord decided to stop the rain and sent us instead a beautiful rainbow.  

via morgueFile

I opened my front door, waved the measles goodbye and told them to take the rain with them, and welcomed in a nice bright rainbow and pretty much enjoyed the break life gave us even if was only for a brief moment. 

The Blessing of Unhappiness

I feel sorry for the people who aren't beautiful, or skinny, or hydrated, or into exercises, or into health food, or with their hair done, wearing designer cloths or  don't  have their kids  in private schools, or  have great houses, or have  new cars, or have great jobs, etc. etc. etc.  I can probably go on forever because the list seems to be endless.  Those of us who have a couple of these things, but don't have them all strive in getting the ones we're missing because unless you have a check mark in all of them you are a complete loser.

photo via morgueFile

Now, some of you who read my blogs are going to think what happened with the lady that crusades for those who are hungry, for immigrants, for social justice and above all for change?   Did she see one of those  aliens she talks about sometimes and some secret government officials (like those we saw in Men in Black) erase her memory?

Let me soothe your troubled minds, it's still me!  Now comes the interesting twist.....it amazes me how obsessed we are with so many things! Do we need to be or have all of these things to be happy?  If so, what do you think  happiness is all about?

Some of us aren't as lucky to be able to acquire all of these fancy things, so maybe we are unhappy.  So unhappy that we can appreciate the beauty of each sunrise and reflect on the wonder of sunset, so unhappy we can rejoice in the company of our children (even if we can't afford to send them to a prep school and have to take the trouble of homeschooling them), so unhappy that we need to cook our own meals and share them together,  instead of eating out all the time, so unhappy we can't wear the colors designer clothes are launching for the season, because we or our husbands don't have high paying jobs (which usually come with demanding schedules and stress lead lives), so unhappy we can only afford having our same furniture that hold precious memories from our children's first years than changing it every other year,  so unhappy we can have long conversations with our now grown up kids about life, love and the choices they make and not about what nail color is best to wear or diet to follow or any other silly (to not say stupid) thing that can cross our minds.  When you think about it,  than unhappiness is a blessing.

Sunset by Melissa Reyes Segarra

In life everything is about balance!  We can't always being pursuing perfection in how we look, as neither we can always be pounding our heads against the wall because sometimes life just sucks.  It's about being happy with ourselves.  Happiness and peace aren't things we can have because someone gives it to us, theses are things we need to look for within our own souls.  It isn't easy to nestle them inside you and it can take some time as we seek them.  For some it will be spirituality, faith, their nirvana, or whatever you may call it. Nevertheless, the important thing is that we're working at it.    

I stumbled upon all the requirements of happiness in a gathering I hosted  on Mother's Day weekend.  I was blasted away with the majority of the conversations that we're going around.  Everyone there seemed to be only worried about how they and people they know looked!

The climax of the afternoon was when someone told one of my cousins who was visiting from New Jersey as she walked in was, "You're a little fatter than the last time you were around." Wow!  I think she looks amazing, she's not the bare bones type, but nevertheless she's a beauty. That's only her outer beauty, because her inner beauty is even more breathtaking.   What an upsetting thing to point out to a person you haven't seen for a while, and the worst part is that  people who say  these types of things get away with it.  

"...find your own recipe for happiness and live up to it!"

Don't think for a minute I'm the hero here because I'm not.  Some time ago, I would've been doing and talking about the same things they were.  I was as obsessed as they are about being skinny, clothes, nail polish, etc. etc.  What changed me?  I would probably say that I took a hard look at myself this past Christmas and came to the conclusion that I needed to change a couple of things, but overall my life was great.  All I needed to do was appreciate what I had!

Thank God life is dynamic, we are always changing and for those who don't have the capacity of change is for who I really feel sorry for.  Remember we are and always will be a work in progress.  Life is more than what we have or look like, it's all about being able to wake up in the morning and discovering what the day has to offer you through its ups and downs.  Don't let others dictate how you're suppose to live, that's your job.  Last, but not least find your own recipe for happiness and live up to it because if you don't know yourself, who does?

Tlazocamatli: Thank you, "Gracias"

Recently my daughter was a key player in the organization of a march that would be held in Tucson, Arizona about immigration laws and how they are affecting a wide range of people who are part of the Tucson community.  In the early morning before the march began Allison (her pastor) came over to reassure and pray for her.  She asked our good Lord to bless, protect and guide her throughout the day.

Modern day Nahua

Yet not only did she receive the most needed spiritual intervention from one that shared her own faith, but also received it from an unexpected  member of the community. The local Nahua spiritual leader!  He came over to the premises of the Southside  Presbyterian Church,   where everyone was gathered,  to ask his deities to guide and protect those who would be participating in the march.  She told me how they had called upon the Universe and showered her with incense that would help her win the war.  They painted her face as if she was one of their own warrior women and for one brief second she felt part of these amazing people, even when she is far away from being so.  Even though she is Hispanic, she was basically born in a pop culture society, she is an American citizen by birth right, she is  Christian and so many other things separate her from the Nahua.  But they do have something in common,  they struggle together to fight against a system that hurts and condemns immigrants to living conditions that should bring shame to a country that was born from immigrants.  Bottom line, Tlaoamatli (which means thank you) for wanting to protect the well-being of one of my own.  I have no words that can express how grateful I am for your gesture.  If only,  I could also extend my own hand to be able to protect your people from injustice I would do so.  Yet, the only thing I can do is pray for you and write about your struggles and suffering, which I am more than willing to do.

The Nahua taught us a lesson with their openness and candor that we as Christians are not willing to reciprocate.  Why isn't it possible for all people to come together crossing the bridges that separate us and moving forward in creating a better world. Our country is full of churches, temples, synagogues, and so many other buildings where people gather to worship their own deities, but we are so far away from spirituality and good.

Maybe we do need to call the power of nature from the four corners of our Earth and ask our dear Lord to help us get over ourselves and then and only then will we  be able to appreciate our diversity and rejoice as we build a better today, so tomorrow the Nahua , Christian, Islamic or Jew children (just to mention a few)  enjoy a better place to live.  By doing this we are all contributing in creating a little piece of heaven here in this troubled Earth that we call home.