"Long lost friend, so good finding you again. Though I lost my way,
you've been strong enough to stay. Faithful to the end, long lost friend."
Unknown quote
Sometimes we choose our friends and sometimes we are blessed with others that tend to fall into our lives by accident. That's how I ended up meeting one of the most important persons in my life. I've always thought we created a strong bond because we met in very difficult circumstances, and sadly when this time of the year comes around and Summer is just a beat away, my thoughts become full of our shared memories and the scars I carry from her loss reopen as fresh wounds.
The circumstances I mentioned previously were that when I met her, she had just received a kidney transplant and my husband was going through multiple surgeries after his own liver transplant. We met at Jackson Memorial Hospital the same day I arrived from home a 4th of July. My father in law (who was taking care of my husband, while I came home to see my children) urged me to drop by this lady's room to say hello (which he obviously had already met). I wasn't thrilled about the prospect of visiting some stranger just because she was from Puerto Rico! To get him off my back, I reluctantly stopped by her room, introduced myself and wished her a fast and complete recovery, making a quick entry and departure (Speedy Gonzales would have been proud of me!). I only was able to notice her incredibly blue eyes because she was wearing a disposable mouth protection cap that covered most of her face due to her recent surgery and barely spoke (probably because I didn't give her the chance). What I didn't appreciate during those brief moments was the compassion those same eyes were capable of showing, which I would have the blessing of experiencing first hand as our friendship flourished over the years that followed.
During the days and weeks that went on, things began looking grim for me because my husband was in and out of surgery often. The "lady from Guaynabo" as I called her, was also staying in a close by Ronald McDonald House and some days I would make it there to sleep, others I would stay in the Intensive Care Unit's waiting room. I think she kind of "stalked" me ( in a good way), because she began appearing as soon as I would put my key in the door to ask me if I'd had something to eat or just to know how my husband was doing. I admired her compassion for a complete stranger, she seemed to be genuinely interested, and I began opening up to her. After a couple of times we had talked, she introduced herself and told me her name was Carmen. I felt ashamed I hadn't even asked her name when I had stopped by her room, and payed back her courtesy by telling her my own name.
After we were on first name terms, I began expecting to see her whenever I made it to the house. Our courteous small talk transformed into long conversations where we would talk about so many things, we related in so many ways I felt I was talking to a long lost friend. During my worst moments she would invite me to pray with her and later would sing me a hymn she knew by heart. God has blessed her with a beautiful voice which she kindly shared with me as she invited me to sing along. Those quiet moments helped heal and restore my faith during those troubled times.
She became my own personal blessing and remained that way until she passed away almost thirteen years ago. Today, I can handle remembering her without feeling the excruciating pain of the earlier days, but still long to hear her voice on the phone or when we met frequently to see each other. On the off set of losing a loved one, you can never really convince yourself that their gone. It's something that takes practice, you need to repeat it over and over, until reality hits you, and you begin to come in terms with your loss.
Ironically she died on her transplant anniversary and was coming to stay over precisely that same day with her husband and a precious baby boy she had given birth to a couple of years ago. We had planned a fun weekend, full of activities for our children and ourselves. Everything seemed to be going swiftly, we had talked earlier and were on schedule, she would work until noon and then they would be heading to our home. We went over the menu and the things that needed to be bought and said goodbye. A little more than an hour later I received a phone call from her husband, where he would just repeat she's gone. I felt numb as I listened to him explain that she had been hit by a vehicle as she crossed the street entering the office where she worked, and had died almost immediately after. In a twist of fate, we were the ones that ended up driving up to their home to moan her death that weekend, as we faced together the unexpected. If I would recall the moments in my life where I have doubted my faith, this was one of them. It took me time to come to terms to what had happened and accept her death.
Life is unexplainable, we just don't know what's going to happen as we wake up every morning. I surely would have liked to be spared the anguish of living through that awful day, but nevertheless I am thankful she was able to be part of my life for whatever time life gave us. I will always be grateful that unlike me she wasn't pestered to find out how a complete stranger was holding out, and waited for me to show up at the end of the day, just to ask a polite question, even if I only answered with a few words. She kept coming back, not knowing that she was building the foundation of a friendship of a lifetime, even if it proved to be short lived. I carry her memory like a badge on my sleeve, it will always be with me, until my own day comes by.
"Nos vemos en la otra vida, mi querida amiga."
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