A Promise Made Is A Promise Kept

The year 1931.

My grandparents married during that year.  I'm a historian at heart (I majored in History for a while, until I realized that 36 credits in History weren't going to put food on my table), so as much as  I loved studying Russia's history through the eyes of the great Tolstoy, I simply turned my back on my first love.   Knowing my background, you can probably guess why a year isn't just a year for me, it's much more.
What was happening the year my grandparents decided to tie their lives forever?  What social-economical problems did they face?  Who was the governor?  Where did they live?  Who were they?

Governor of Puerto Rico 1931

A man named Rexford Guy Tugwell  became the last American appointed governor for our Island after the North American Occupation in 1898.  This man was a visionary, a futurist, someone people didn't like to much because he also was a bit of an extremist, that's why he probably got the name Red The Rex. It was the 30's the worst thing to be said about you, which would also get you into plenty of trouble was linking your name with the communists.  It's like being called a terrorist today.

Governments affect people's daily lives, no questions in this bracket.

They probably didn't get to live a nice place when they married, you should get a look of the little huts people lived in during those time here on the Island.

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They could have gone to live maybe in a house like this one. Which is a typical rural house of the 1930's.

Seven years into their marriage, World War II began and I don't know why, but Papito (as we called him) didn't serve in the Army.    Times were tough, but they kept moving forward.  Divorce, separation or any other thing wasn't an option for them. They had promised to be together till death pull them apart, and that's how exactly it would be.

News didn't travel with the speed of light, or better said of fiber optics.  People who lived in the mountains or countryside didn't know exactly what was happening in their world.  So, probably they weren't aware that the Island had been the blank of the first war's attack on U.S. soil in the Atlantic on March 3, of the same year they married.  As the newspaper "The Palm Beach Post" informed.  Nevertheless the submarine attack was harmless, leaving shelling on the cliffs of Mona Island about 5o miles Southwest of Puerto Rico.

5oth Wedding Anniversary. My grandparents are standing behind the table to the right side.

They remained married until June 30th, 1988.  The day my grandfather passed away.  During that year they would have celebrated their 57th wedding anniversary.  They remained married for almost six decades, raising a huge family and teaching us valuable lessons along the way.

They made each other promises and they kept them, without taking into account the difficulties of just being able to survive such harsh and unforgiving historical times.  Their children never went to bed on an empty stomach and they worked to put food on the table.  My grandfather always took  pride  in not taking anything from the government, he would support and feed his children with the sweat of his forehead.

What has happened with the promises we make today?  What are they worth?

Remedies For Crazy

 Once in a while you just want to go crazy.... that's when you just can't help yourself to some good old fashioned comfort food.  Come and check out (by clicking on the link below) who said that pizza and soda weren't so great for you!


Who Said Pizza & Soda Weren't Good For Your Heart?

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Feminism: Is It Just a Label?

My great-grandmother died at the age of 114, or so they say.  Her birth certificate wasn't a reliable source to find out her age because children were inscribed on the Island's registries in the later years of their childhood (8 or 9), her name was Maria Simplicia, we all learned to call her Mama Querida or beloved mother.  She didn't read or write and lived most of her life in poverty, she lived through the 1914 earthquake and several strong hurricanes that hit our Island at the beginning of the 1900's.

What was her life like?

I  know bits and pieces of it, but I do know one thing she was a survivor.  She was a quiet and very reserved lady, when she'd walk she would place her right hand at the back of her hip and her dress would go up a bit.  She never wore pants in her life (she missed on that one).  Mama Querida could be described with one word "stoic".  Probably that's who women in my family take after (we have quite a few repressed and stoic ladies around here).

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I first saw that gesture in my grandmother, she would press her lips and move her mouth toward the right side and simply say nothing, but if you saw the line of her lips you knew something was wrong.  The only thing that brought her joy were her flowers, she would get up in the morning and still wearing her pajamas on, I would see her outside checking on her flowers.  I never really understood that, why in the world doesn't she get changed before going outside?  Well as a very grown woman in my late 40's I do the same.  I caught myself sometime ago, roaming my back yard garden in PJ's, I wanted a quick check on my lilies so I stepped outside.  Probably that's why she did it too!  Getting dressed wasn't  a priority, going outside was, before the day began with its hectic display of the craziness of a full house.
My grandmother never used pants either.

Back in their day pants were only used by men.  Decent ladies didn't wear them and if they had to, let's say because they were working in the coffee plantation picking coffee beans, and their pants would be worn under their skirts.  That sure seems comfy!  Pants were the symbol of who was in charge, you know THEM, but were they really in charge?

These two amazing women should have worn pants, if they wanted to.  They were strong and most of all their will made it possible for them to raise large families (more than ten children each).  They went into labor many times by themselves, until the midwife could come.  My grandmother even had twins without proper medical care.  She sewed, embroidered and worked the land to guarantee that my mom and her brothers and sisters had enough to eat.  She complimented my grandfather, they were a team.  Where did she learn to become such a strong lady?  Well,  obviously  from her mom.

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They stood strong knowing nothing about feminism.  Those labels weren't around back then.
What are labels good for anyway?  I personally hate labeling things or people.  Why do we have to give everything a name?

Were they feminists?  A loud and strong YES would be the answer.

They didn't participate in rallies, or marched down a city avenue, or burned their undergarments, or do anything outrageous.  They simply lived their lives being strong independent women (even if they were married),  in a world where men dictated the what's, when's, and who's.  They kept their families moving forward, never stopping until they relied on others to care for them at the end of their own lives.
We live in a world where women wear pants all the time, yet we still have women around that let men abuse and use them like toys or a useless object.  Why?  I don't know and probably none of us will ever.
We can only look back in time and search our family tree to learn through the lessons are elders taught us along the way.  My own personal one would be : you don't have to wear pants to be strong and rise tall above your personal circumstances.  We all have the capacity of change and that's what keeps our world turning every day.

It's more about doing and less about talking.

Following The Rules

Through out my life in some occasions I haven't followed the rules.  Obviously everybody knows what happens when you don't follow the rules.  CONSEQUENCES!  Nevertheless, you don't care enough or you don't think it over to be able to stop yourself.

Where is this leading us to?

Lately I've not followed the rules of people who are labeled with a chronic illness.  You know the ones that tell you what and how to live your life.  Or the one that tells you to always take you meds, because if not something WILL happen.  It's hard having to take medications every six hours to be able to live a quasi normal life.

Normal would be just living like almost everyone that do whatever they need to do and that's it.  Not having to hear don't overdo it, be careful, don't do this or you can't do that.  When you turn forty and all of a sudden you lose the liberty of being you, it's not easy.  I've struggled with Myasthenia Gravis for the past seven years and it's felt like a lifetime.  The hardest blow of them all was when my neurologist told me that I needed to begin considering Social Security Disability Benefits.  I gave up one of the things I love the most, teaching.

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Well you want to know what I did?   I stopped taking my meds.  I began slowly just taking them three times a day, than twice a day, than once a day, and finally I would take them every other day.  I was feeling so great, that it seemed I no longer had Myasthenia.  I was in remission (or that's what I wanted to believe)!  At the beginning everything seemed fine, so YEAH I am in remission.  I began to make plans to go back to school to finish my masters, and then maybe if I was lucky could go a little further to getting my Ph. D in Literature.  Than I would go back to work, all of a sudden in my mind (at least) I was back in school.  Until three days ago, I began feeling (the familiar) strange.

My swallowing began getting worse, and I felt my chest was about to burst.  I knew to well what would be next, the hateful debilitating of my arms and legs.  It would be a matter of days before my symptoms would exacerbate. So, today I called my neurologist because I was in a pretty bad shape.  Making it short, I'm on my meds AGAIN, and to make things a little worse (CONSEQUENCES) I'm back at adrenocortical steroids.  Which make me gain weight and have a handful of consequences.

Tomorrow I have to get on a no salt and low-calorie diet to be able to stay in shape while the storm passes and I can get rid of the steroids once again.  Ahead of me are a couple of super difficult days, but what can I say?  These are the things that happen when we are stubborn enough not to follow the rules and try to believe in fairy tales.

The Masquerades Of Our LIves

I'm telling you if you think when you turn forty is bad, just wait until those fifties come around the corner.  The first subject in order is "How do I look for fifty?".  What a question is that?  Yet, that's the one you always get, people (including myself) want to know how others see us when we're fifty.  What everyone wants to listen to is "You look great.", but be careful because a wrong answer would be, "You look great for fifty.".  That last answer can be tricky because it's acknowledging that you look like you're fifty, but you look fine despite the fact that  you are fifty.  Getting the picture here?  These are murky waters to travel through, so beware of how you answer.

Your forties, fifties, sixties, seventies...... are just points in our lives.  We don't have to go through the trouble of having to masquerade our birthdays with disguises and semi or formal gowns or tuxedos to rise to the occasion.  On the web we can find thousands of articles about self-improvement and how to's, but it's not about trying to follow everything we read (if we try we'll go bananas).

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Be genuine.

Be yourself.

Be giving.

Be truthful.

Be this.

Be that.

To which my answer is don't be anything, except  who you want to be.  Change is hard, and it becomes even harder if you have set for yourself these silly expectations.  Why do we have expectations anyhow?  I always dread when my mother in law or my mom gives me a surprise visit (you know the ones they just pop up at your house), it's always a done deal that "that specific day" my house will be a mess!

photo credit: http://bleacherreport.com/articles/787208-pro-wrestling-3-reasons-why-my-mom-hates-wrestling

I always think "Gee, why didn't they come yesterday or the day before or tomorrow, when all my s^%$t is put together?"  They will look casually around (it's not that their doing it on purpose you know), and if you're following their eyes you'll see unfolded laundry in a basket, a couple of dishes in the sink, a little this over there, a little that a bit farther, a made, but wrinkled bed (like the one you've been lying down on, when you're not suppose to, etc. etc.).  This is kind of a cultural thing, we are taught that are houses need to be tidy and our chores need to be done early in the morning because the afternoons are for resting and doing other things.  Mom thinks that should be set in stone!

What's the point here?

We can't always make everyone happy, no matter how hard we try.  We can't pretend to have everything in check even if we want to. We can't follow the examples or the teachings of our own parents throughout our lives in a hundred percent, imagine trying to do it with other people.
 
Self-improvement is a trend these days, and everyone wants a piece of the cake.  But the truth is that it's been around for a while now.  What do you think that Ben Franklin did at the end of each day was?  If he would have lived during our times probably he would be an Amway guru.   You know the guys who talk to you about how you can do anything you want because you have the power.  But what you really don't know is that the people who are paying him or her are the ones getting all those points with your purchases a/k/a your dreams.

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Bottom line, our life can't be a masquerade where we set our mask over our realities.  I usually read (not all of them, because this blogger posts like every ten seconds something new) called Harsh Realities, some are true others I'm not so sure.  Nevertheless, facing what our lives are or have become is better than trying to disguise it in something it's not.

It's not about following, it's about getting your act together and finding out what works for you (and me obviously).  It's not how I look, it's about what I need to do to look great not at the outside (though it doesn't hurt to look good), but in the inside.  Let's hide our masks and embrace whatever we our and decline the invitation for attending the next masquerade, casual gatherings are so much better!  Ta Ta!

 

Living the Simple Life

Have you ever asked yourself, "Why do I complicate myself?".   Every once in a while (for some it's a bit more than once in a while) life gets complicated and then here we go and make it even more complicated.  How do we make it a bit more?  Easy we simply loose our temper over whatever, whenever or whoever!

It's so much easier just to get darn mad at people, at life, at God, or at anything!!!!!!

Because people do get mad even with their chosen deities, you know because not everyone is a Christian.  By the way to tell you the truth we're like dinosaurs in route towards extinction.

Things are going to happen to us if we want it or not.  That's life, some will say we have a story already written, others will say we have a say in our story, and probably some with say something else.  Nevertheless, the unavoidable will happen, something called life.  How many people do you know who have lived perfect lives?  Well, I haven't met one yet!  (Sorry for using so many exclamation marks it's that I  do them !!).

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My grandfather lead a simple life, he worked (actually to be able to put food on his table) literally speaking because he was raising a family of (12 children) there were no food stamps or welfare, so basically if you didn't work,  you didn't eat.  He walked by foot to work in a construction site that the Army was building in Ramey Base in a town called Aguadilla.  He lived in a little piece of land of about three and a half acres where he would raise chickens (organic by the way), a few cows, and coffee trees.  My grandmother sewed and embroidered beautiful gloves she never got to wear and basically they were happy, or if they weren't they seemed content.  My grandparents were actually no- nonsense people who accepted, worked and moved on no matter what was happening around them.      

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Now a days with the globalization and all that and the expectations we have it's harder to keep it simple.  We tend to overspend and sometimes we want things we can't even afford and we buy them anyway.  We are the children of gratification, the now is what's important, not the when.  The bad news is the when comes pretty fast and the now.

Wouldn't it be easier just to go back to a simple life?  Wouldn't it be nice just to work, eat a great meal and rest, and throw in a little fun from time to time?  Wouldn't we lead stress free lives?

Probably the first thing we need to do is accept our circumstances and then move on to making life simpler. More than anything come to terms with the fact that we are not eternal and that sooner or later time will come when our story comes to "The End". 

photo credit: http://feelgoodeating.com/2013/05/thank-you-the-end.html

I don't know how many of you like to see the all the names of the people who participated in the making of a movie and all the remarks of appreciation,, and all that?  I do!  I like to read all the names of the producers, of the assistants, staff, stunt men, landmarks, etc, etc, etc.  I've always imagined when my life does comes to an end, that my post "The End" film footage be full of the names of the people I've loved, helped, and lived with along the way.  I wouldn't forget to include the names of the people that I've hurt along the way to state that it wasn't on intended, and of my life landmarks.  But above all, what I've like the most is just keeping it simple, enjoying my life, working to be able to put food on my table, and enjoying any moment I  can get a hold of because if you think about it, "Where does the rat race take us anyway?". 

The Media & Organ Donation: Not a Great Combination!

We've been hearing in the news Sara's story and to the least it's heartbreaking.  I understand her parents for exposing their child to the media if that's what it's going to take to get what she needs. I myself wrote her name quickly as I heard it and pinned it on the refrigerator,  so I could include her name in my prayer group, and I'm more than sure others did to.

Having to wait for a transplant isn't easy, now you'll probably think, easier said than done!  But I do have some experience in that matter (we waited for two and a half years for a liver).

That sounded wrong, because it's like you're waiting for someone to basically die and you can get the goodies!  Well that's not the case, actually we waited and waited and waited some more (than his number came up, it's kind of like the lottery), until one family (God bless their generosity) gave up their son's liver after he died in an accident and my husband was blessed enough to receive it, and the best part was that he didn't die waiting.  Now that's not what always happens, if it hasn't changed about eighteen people die each day waiting for a transplant.

Now coming back to Sara, it's outrageous that this child doesn't even get an opportunity of competing for an organ.  You heard right, she's competing, there are many more out there waiting for a couple of lungs too.  Hitting that number one, you're next in line mark is very difficult, and she will not get that chance unless something changes soon.

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All of this is difficult and I more than anyone want her to be able to lead a full and active life,  but the laws that regulate organ donation are tough cookies to crumble.  They are set in stone and sometimes years have to pass (and many lives have to be lost) before changes come across the board.

Everyone (meaning politicians) are just using this as an opportunity to get under the spotlight.

Sara deserves to live, and so do many other patients that also have Cystic Fibrosis.  If you want to hear and be part of a great community of people who eat, live and breathe organ donation and transplantation feel free to visit   this great community and read some amazing stories.

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I just don't want this to become the story of the moment and then when and if Sara does get the lungs she so desperately needs, everyone will just simply forget.  I don't want to be harsh, but for the news it's all about ratings!    For me that's unbearable because there are so many more just waiting like sitting ducks on a hunter's day out having only to show for themselves a number.

The Dynamic Trio

Something that concerns me lately is who is going to take care of my elderly aunts.  They are fraternal twins, one has a couple of great kids, the only problem with them is that they live in the States (one in New Jersey the other in New York) and she doesn't want to move in with neither of them.  The other one also has a couple of kids who are pretty lousy people.  But, the question is still in my head, who will take care of them both?

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I usually drive them around when I have the time.  If I can't  my mom will drive them a little bit more than around.  She's the only out of the three of them that has a driver's license.  Sometimes I joke with them about not to speed because if they crash between all three of them you can add  two hundred and ten years of history.  She usually get's a little annoyed with me because she thinks she's a teenager.

Once after they had shopped for groceries at a local supermarket they hit the supermarket's fence and simply left (nobody had ever explained to my mom what a hit and run was).  As the story goes on, I was at my mom's in the afternoon as I usually am and we were working on a project together, when the phone rings.  I answered it and to my surprise my aunt says, "Don't say anything to "Comay Lucy" (that's Spanish for co-mother, she's also my godmother), but there are some police officers here that need to speak to us! I'm never shopping there again."  Please, someone explain to me what does the later have to do with what's going on!  To top it all  the POLICE was looking for my mom.

She asked me who was at the phone, to which I answered.

"What happened today in Pepino (the small town where the supermarket is located)?

To which she replied with another question, Who told you?

To which I replied, "No one told me a word, but something seems to have happened because the police is looking for you, so you better get your ID and driver's license and hop over to Madrina's house."

Well fast forwarding this little story, the police officer kindly suggested them to drive carefully in the future, and that they would need to address the situation of the broken fence as soon as possible, like right now.  So, I had to call the store manager, tell him that they intended to call in the morning (Did they? We will never know.), and $700.00 later they were out of the problem.

They are a funny trio, but they are getting older by the minute.  All of them have their little this and that, my mom has huge amounts of this and that, but she doesn't worry me because she can always count on me.

People leave, they relocate, they move and that's fine. But, what happens with their parents when they no longer can care for themselves?  Who will tend, talk, or share a cup of coffee or tea with them?

Lately I often tell my godmother, she's going to have to consider moving in with her daughter.  Noooooo!  I don't like it there, it's cold,  and I'm alone (my cousin needs to work) so she can't afford staying home with her mom.  Nevertheless, when that day finally arrives I'll miss her dearly.  On the other hand, my other aunt probably will end up in a nursing home near my own home.  I'm sure I'll visit her frequently, but still as I watch the dynamic trio (my aunts and Mom) my heart is full of worries because I really don't know what will be the end of their own stories. 

Words Will Never Be Enough

Francisco Javier (my 20-year-old son) gave me this as a gift last year before I went through a scheduled surgery. It was a reminder of our unity as a family. This message basically is our family motto, it has carried us through our lives and will continue with them as they form their own families. It is our legacy to them.

Even though they were very young when their dad went through his liver transplant they are very aware and grateful of the anonymous family that gave their dad a second chance.
Tomorrow as his 18th liver transplant anniversary comes around all we can say is thank you and God bless all donors. Those who today can donate and continue to live full and healthy lives and the families of those who no longer are with us.

Words will never be enough to express our gratitude and probably will never have, yet our hearts burst with joy because of all the years we have been able to be happy together.

We have overcome all differences, struggles and remained one. Carlos, myself and our three +1!

Remember

Tonight I shared some time with my in-laws alone, my husband wasn't with me because he caught a bug.  Some people "don't like" their in-laws, but I love mine.  It's not a fake kind of love, but a true and genuine one.  This can sound weird, but their my cousins from my mom's side.  Their not related with each other, but both are related with me through my mom.  My mother in law is my mom's first cousin through my grandmother's side and my father in law is my mom's first cousin through my grandfather's side.  They've always been part of my life from my very beginning.

So you can get the picture here, I married my third cousin (I'm not sure this category really exists)!

My mom and my mother in law were both pregnant at the same time  (my mom with me and my mother in law with my husband obviously).  Probably they would talk every time they met about how their pregnancies were going, I was a second child so my mom was more experienced than she was.  I can hear my mom talking about her pregnancy and what things were best for pregnant women, she's very opinionated!  I can also imagine my mother in law in her quiet demeanor, just listening, not voicing her opinion or thoughts and ultimately doing whatever she thought was best.  My mom always wants to boss her around a bit!

Fast forward, when they finally had their babies (my husband and myself) both paid each other visits to see the babies and welcome them into our family.  Wow!  If they only knew we would end up getting married.  That sure would have scared the crap out of them!

my mom, me and my mother in law- Christmas 2012

 
Even though I love this story, my post isn't about my mom, my mother in law and me. It's only the background of the story I want to share with you.  Basically it's about how love, faith and believing and how they can pull us through almost anything.

My in laws held us strong while we crossed the turbulent waters of illness.  Their love became the bridge that helped us get to the other side together.  They were able to guide us strongly and firmly to where we needed to go.  They financially and emotionally supported us while the storm was hitting us strong.   But beyond anything else, now it's our turn to hold them through out the storm that's hitting them with the forces of Super Storm Sandy. 

Their hurricane force winds are called cancer!

During my visit tonight we remembered.  What did we remember? Things that happened to us while we were waiting for my husband's transplant.  I heard my mother in law tell me about the time when she came over to my house after I called her to pick up some clothes for me after I had been in the hospital with Carlos for a few days.  How she was so upset that she picked a fight with God because she was sick and tired of having to take clean clothes to me in the hospital. Not because she didn't want to help me but because she felt a staggering pain because I had to live through the sorrow of having a very sick husband.  How she fell to her knees and implored God to pass her this suffering.  She asked Him to heal his son and spare her daughter in law of the pain.

We cried as we remembered the anguish of not knowing what was going to happen and then finally we rejoiced as we remembered how God had carried us through out the whole ordeal.

That's when I told my  father in law, "He did it once and He'll do it again, I know you will be fine and our faith will carry us once more through out this. ".

As we talked, cried, hugged and kissed each other we found comfort and solace.  I know something for sure we will be fine and our faith will pull us through once more.  If we feel doubtful (very understandable) the only thing we need to do is remember.